The CVB just last week got Little Richard Penniman to film candid testimonials about his hometown that the Macon promoters are slated to use for an upcoming advertising blitz, officials said. Many of his humorous - and energy-filled - sound bites likely will be used in future radio spots and video promotions, said CVB communications director Butch Dykes.

"And Little Richard is letting the CVB use it all for free---well, almost free," Dykes said.

"We're thrilled. We sent a query letter to see if he'd be willing to work with us. His immediate reaction was, 'Oh yeah, I'll do it. I'll do whatever they want....if...'"

"All we had to do in return was rename Eisenhower Parkway to 'Tutti Frutti Parkway,' Zebulon Road to 'Penniman Parkway' and rename the Macon Mall to the 'Good Golly Miss Molly Mall,'" Dykes said. "We don't see any problems with that since Maconites are so open to change. Just ask the road planning people."

Macon already has one street named in honor of Penniman, the extension from Mercer University Blvd. to Telfair Street.

The Occupational Safety and Health Administration (OSHA) recently issued a federal advisory extending its regulatory reach into American homes by stating that employers are responsible for employee safety when employees work from their homes. A recent incident has brought this ruling and related controversies to Macon.

Radio host and newspaper columnist Charles Richardson was working at his home one evening doing research for the world-famous question-of-the-day, a daily feature on the AM940 Morning Show with co-host Kenny Burgamy. In browsing some old magazines, Richardson received a wicked paper cut on his right index finger. Richardson ignored the painful injury until some newspaper ink was inadvertently rubbed into the wound causing an anaphylactic reaction. As a result, Richardson required medical treatment.

Now OSHA is holding US Broadcasting, the owner of WMAC AM940, responsible for workers compensation. OSHA has levied fines and is demanding that US Broadcasting take steps to ensure its employees don't have dangerous magazines, books and newspapers in their homes that might inflict injury.

Knight-Ridder, parent company of The Macon Telegraph is launching litigation to force US Broadcasting to reimburse the corporation for medical expenses associated with the paper cut. US Broadcasting has filed a counter-suit for legal fees and court costs claiming that it was the newspaper ink exposure at The Macon Telegraph that really caused the injury. Meanwhile, Richardson is faced with harassing phone calls from collection agencies demanding payment for the medical services not yet paid by Knight-Ridder's insurance carrier.

"But that's OK," Richardson said, "I feel better knowing that OSHA is protecting me against hazards in my home and just knowing that someone really cares about me."

 County Commission debates sexual frequency for county employees

In their meeting Tuesday, after discussing mundane business such as bookkeeping, auditors and finance, the commission moved to highly controversial item on the agenda.

After vigorous debate, the commission added Viagra to the list of prescription drugs included in the county's health insurance plan.

Dennis Dorsey, the mean-spirited Republican, expressed stiff disagreement with the proposal. "I think county employees should stand on their own---so to speak---for this expense," Dorsey said.

Commissioner Joe Allen disagreed calling Dorsey a "stick in the mud." "Our employees will be much more productive, loyal and motivated if we ensure they get plenty----of this drug, I mean. Six just isn't enough---twelve a month should be the minimum," Allen said.

All the commissioners swapped stories and compared frequencies but in the end it came down to expense. How much should taxpayers pay to ensure a satisfied work force for the county? The commission approved six Viagra tablets per month.

 Wiener toppings hold up progress on Civic Square project

Traffic on Cotton Avenue between Poplar and First streets will soon stop. Construction crews will block Cotton at its intersections with Poplar and First streets, beginning the city's $1.4 million Civic Square project that will become a landscaped, pedestrian walkway between City Hall and the Macon City Auditorium.

The project was delayed by controversy over the name and the proposed statue that will be placed there. The same group that lobbied city council to change the name of Cotton Avenue to NuWay Boulevard last June is insisting that the new project be called "NuWay Square."

"It's obvious to us that the best attribute on this particular block is the NuWay. Pedestrians around this Square will be coming to get chili dogs, very few will care that City Hall and the Auditorium are nearby," said Hugh Lovedogs, a spokesman for the group.

In an attempt to placate the group, some city leaders have suggested that a special statue be erected, but that the name remain "Civic Square." The statue would be of Mayor Jack Ellis riding a stallion and holding a NuWay hot dog high in one hand like a sword. But this idea has drawn some disagreement.

"If I'm going to be holding a hot dog, it's got to have slaw on it," Ellis said.

Lovedogs said that the hot dog on the statue should be made of copper and that it would corrode into a shade of green to simulate slaw. "We really want the name of the park to be NuWay Square. But if we have to settle for the statue, then we want the mayor's other hand, the one holding the reins, to have a bag clearly marked as NuWay," Lovedogs said.

Bibb County commissioners are scheduled today to discuss the possibility of hiring someone to straighten out the bean-counting problems in Tax Commissioner Davis Minshew's office.

Commissioner Sam Hart, chair of the Human Resources Committee, said the matter will come before his committee at 3:30 p.m. Tuesday.

"We're just going to have to find the resources," Hart said Monday. "We want to make sure (Minshew) gets what's needed to get those beans counted."

Hart said Minshew requested hiring Allen Greenspan or at least a CPA in a letter he wrote the committee late last month after county auditors reported that the continuing bean-counting problems in the tax office threaten the county's bond ratings and will cost the taxpayers $50,000 in additional auditing fees.

Mark Hardison, a certified public accountant with the county's auditing firm of Clifton, Lipford, Hardison & Parker LLC, told the commission's Finance Committee last month that all the beans must be counted before the audit can take place.

Commissioner Dennis Dorsey, chairman of the Finance Committee and member of the Human Resources Committee, said he's willing to consider Minshew's request. But Dorsey said he would be reluctant to approve the hiring of Allen Greenspan without first assessing the skills needed.

"Juan Valdez of Colombia is probably one of the best-known bean experts around---he knows beans better than Greenspan. We probably don't need a CPA. A CBC, or certified bean counter, may be more appropriate," Dorsey said.

Disclaimer: The accounts, quotes and stories on this page are wholly fictitious and intended as satire and humor. Although real names may be used and all good humor has an element of truth, this stuff ain't real. If you didn't already know these stories were bogus, then you're not too bright. --Steve Scroggins

These parodies are frequently featured on the NewsTalk940 WMAC morning show with Kenny & Charles.